Why Do We Do Things That HURT Us?

why do we do hard work outs that push us and leave our bodies hurting the next day?

why do we stay up late completely sleep deprived studying?

why do we give blood when it leaves us nauseated and dizzy?

why do we work for hours in the yard/garden when its blistering hot?

all these things have one thing in common: they are all things done for a higher cause. They are all things done for a good ending in mind; they are things done with faith that there WILL be a pay off and reason for the struggle.

so... with all this in mind., why do we love?

I'm not going to pretend like I am an expert at this sort of thing, because believe me... I'm most definitely not. I am simply expressing my thoughts based on both my own experiences and what I have observed around me. Not meaning to sound like a downer, but with love... there aren't always guarantees. Sure there aren't necessarily guarantees in the things above either. The blood you give in hopes that it will go towards saving a life could be given to someone who ends up dying the next day in spite of the donated blood. Or maybe the late night studying doesn't help your test score... the extraneous exercising leads to injuries... and the garden still doesn't work out despite the hard work..maybe there's a drought? But the BOTTOM LINE: these things most definitely do have a stronger sense of consistency.

Love can be both intangible and gratifying at the same time. Love is inevitable, yet sometimes we go out of our way to avoid it. But why would we try to avoid something so unavoidable? Without love what is the point of life? The answer? ...For fear of pain. The fear that the pain experienced due to loving someone WON'T have a higher cause, that it won't have a happy ending.. THAT'S what holds people back sometimes. The fear that if you keep holding on, the other may let go first. So to save yourself the possible affliction... YOU simply let go. To keep yourself safe. Or you never really completely hold on in the first place. ...But are you really saving yourself? Or are you just holding yourself back from happiness?

Sometimes there is the opposite. A fearless perseverance and a hope inside of us that keeps us reaching and fighting for that ever so elusive butterfly called love. Sometimes there is an internal determination that moves us. Sometimes we actually let our HEART lead our feet. When this happens, when we aren't letting ourselves hold us back.... we take a leap of faith. And hope that someone will be there to meet us halfway through that leap.. to catch us. We pray that leap of faith that leaves us completely vulnerable will be worth the risk in the long haul. That it will bring us that sense of security, knowledge that we are loved in return.

Sometimes when that leap is taken for naught and we end up free falling, it can be hard to bounce back right away or at all. Now our memories of the past are what keep us hesitant from making such a move again. But that hesitancy CAN be overcome. and MUST be overcome if we ever hope for true happiness in life. Standing at the edge of the ocean with one foot half heartedly in the water will not bring joy. It could bring safety... but we will always have the 'what if' factor in the back of our minds... of what COULD have been. "A ship in the harbor is safe, but that's not what ships were built for..."

We know we must take the risk at some point. We must open up completely to experience that undeniably genuine joy. But I believe that no matter what hurt and trials we must first overcome before finally getting hold of that ever so elusive butterfly called LOVE ..no matter how long it stays within our grasp....no matter how long it takes us to muster up that confidence to step outside of our comfort zones.... it will undoubtedly be worth the leap. It will be worth the pain. It will be worth the fear.

....."IT" will be worth everything.

loves! -brookie

la la laughs in the library

ohhhh the joys of finals week. hallelujah for this semester almost FINALLY being over! Only a few more days and i will be home for almost an entire month with the fam damily in good ol' springville. haha. Well anyways, so Kaitlyn and i were in the library just trying to study for our U.S. Institutions final and kept having to look up things in wikipedia to freshen our memories up of things we had forgotten. (I probably shouldn't be admitting I still use Wikipedia... but oh well. don't judge.) :) Well this picture of this one annoying lady kept popping up. She's... well.. see for your self.

Okay Wikipedia is it REALLY necessary to have these creepily smiling and staring-into-my-soul people on your website? But every time dear sweet Maryana Pinchuk showed up on the screen we'd just bust up laughing for a second. Before I'd quickly scroll down to hide her face. About the fourth time this happened I guffawed really loud (no it STILL hadn't gotten old, okay?!) and the man sitting further down the couch to the left of me gave me a death glare. Woaah okay sorry dude. Sorry you have no sense of humor. But if you saw the way Maryana Pinchuk was staring at me on my screen you would probably be laughing too. Not to mention this sweet gentleman was wearing the ugliest sweater ever. What a winner. But I bet his mom loves him. hahaha.

So although we may have annoyed a few people in the hallowed library.. those few laughs were definitely great little breaks amidst the long studying. Wish me luck on my last two finals!

But really quick here are some things for laughs:

Hahaha I hope these made you laugh! I know I did! The last one is totally something my mom would do. haha:) loves!

Brookie

Heart on my sleeve;

"someone who shows and displays their emotions and feelings openly."

a weakness?--

some would say yes.

usually i say definitely.

i leave myself exposed;

i put myself out there.

i let my walls down easily.

my emotions are impossible to hide

i am so trusting of everybody.

i am completely sincere and put my whole heart into everything i do.

and sometimes

all these things make me the target--

..make me the one most prone to pain.

difficult times that have occurred

have made me sometimes question

the way i am.

if i wasn't so open,

so forgiving,

if i kept walls up--

and was very selective

about who i let in--

maybe i wouldn't get so hurt.

but maybe,

i would lose out on other experiences.

the more important ones,

the meaningful ones.

those memories that stay with you through the years

and continue to teach you,

and make you smile

while others fade.

like that time i was the one

brave enough to first say what

we were both thinking:

i love you.

or when i was told after my soccer game by a complete stranger that he watched me for only ten minutes but knew from those few minutes that i had

a deep passion for the game,

and a boatload of

heart.

this "weakness" is the way i see and

respond to the world

and those around me.

this "weakness" is who i am

and the way i've always been.

wearing my heart

on my sleeve

is so me.

so Brooke Elizabeth Larsen.

maybe at this moment in my life

the pain that results from it can sometimes seem to outweigh the goodness.

but life has it's rough patches.

and i'm not going to change anything

because of anyone

or for anyone.

I'm me.

and my heart's on my sleeve.

and the goodness is going to come out conquerer over the pain.

#exposedbutstrong

A BEST FRIEND.

Do you have someone who knows you inside and out? I mean, really TRULY knows you. Someone who knows the little things about you. The things others don't even notice.

Do you have someone who you can sit in silence with and be content? Someone who can tell exactly what's on your mind with just a look? Someone who will sit and listen to you talk and vent your face off? Someone who is patient and kind with you even when you are being impossible?

Do you have someone who is ALWAYS there for you? Do you have someone who you are absolutely crazy with and do the most fun and spontaneous things together? someone that you have about a BILLION inside jokes with? (PUKALINI!!!, "FJ", hahabahba, "Isn't that NEAT?", "give it to me! No, not cake!" ....etc...)

Do you have someone who has blessed your life so strongly you know God put them there for a reason?

I Do.

Thank heavens for them; BEST FRIENDS. :)

Everyone needs one.

"The family unit is fundamental not only to society and to the church...

but to our hope for eternal life."

-Elder Henry B. Eyring

how blessed I am to be in the family that I am.

I love them more than words can express, and look forward to spending eternity with them.

STRENGTH.

a word thrown around by many, truly understood by few.

one doesn't---one can't---truly know the meaning of that word,

not until they are put into situations forcing them to have it.

situations where one would fail miserably without it..

situations where being strong is the ONLY option.

in moments where people would understand if you failed,

in moments where falling short would be accepted,

in moments where letting go is an option----

look inside.

there that word is again... STRENGTH.

you never know how much of it you have, how much of it you

can keep pulling out of seemingly thin air until you are tried

in ways beyond your previous capacity.

After persevering, enduring, pushing, and never giving up,

...you realize something.

the person you thought you were

is no match for the one you really are.

find it.

your STRENGTH.

I find more of mine every day.

It's one in the morning and I can't sleep. my mind is in a thousand places at once and i can't seem to gather my thoughts. So. i'll just let these quotes and photographs say what my heart is saying; the things my mouth can't find the words for tonight.

Never get tired of doing little things for others. sometimes it's the little things that occupy the biggest part of their hearts.

that's all i've got for today.

Put together?

Wearing just a t-shirt and shorts with my hair up in a loose bun, the splotchy remains of aggie blue nail-polish still on my fingers, and a faded heart on my wrist drawn in humanities the day before, I walked across campus to class. That morning I’d been up late skyping friends back home until 1 or so, causing me to sleep in through my alarm that morning. Which left me about 10 minutes to get ready for my first class. For some girls, this could be a problem. For me? No sweat. I quickly brushed my teeth, put a little mascara on, grabbed a granola bar and was out the door. I was sporting a bit of a messy sort of look today. oh well. :)

On my way to class sometimes accidental eye contact with a stranger would inevitably occur, with which I greeted with a friendly smile every time. It was interesting to me to see the people who would return the smile. And of course those that wouldn’t. One girl’s actions really struck me. First let me describe her. She wore designer jeans and carried an adorable huge purple (probably designer as well) purse over one shoulder. Her hair was long and beautiful in a way that made other girls walking by stare with envy. She was undoubtedly beautiful, but was wearing quite a large amount of make up. Her pretty eyes were overtaken by the bold, thick black with which she’d outlined them. But none of that was what caught my eye about her. Her constantly shifting eyes glanced constantly at the people all around her. Her free hand not carrying her books adjusted her already perfect hair or her big beaded necklace self consciously, while a look of uneasiness painted her perfectly made up face. As if one disapproving look towards her by someone would send her to tears. In passing, we made eye contact. I smiled at her. She did not smile back. She looked me and my outfit up and down; her lips still set in a straight line, and walked on by.

This little occurrence with a random student on campus probably lasted 10 seconds or less, yet has had a lasting effect on me.

She, though virtually more “put together” than I; she, though seemingly equipped with everything to make her feel good about her appearance..... still was lacking something.

Self Assurance.

I realized at that moment that I, though in fact a disgruntled and frenzied appearance, was more at ease with myself than she. Even her look-me-up-and-down didn’t faze me whatsoever. I could care less if she was disapproving towards what I was wearing. Self-confidence and personal certainty come from within. Looking nice and feeling nice about your appearance can most definitely give you a boost, but a boost can only take you so far. Slather on a face full of make up, dress yourself up to reach the expectations of others, but at the end of the day all you’ve got is you. Being comfortable with who you are brings self-assurance.

Nothing you put on or wear can bring that.

So who's more "put together".... me or her? you can decide.

For a Reason.

I was put in the same first grade class at Brookside Elementary as a girl named Lexi Eaton.

My parents decided to name my little sister "Tessa"

I broke my foot tripping up steps two days before state soccer semis my junior year.

I was born with a hole in my heart. literally.

I had a feeling to put my seatbelt on halfway through the drive home that afternoon driving back from Caitlynne's house last summer.

I have about a million freckles.

My parents were in the same singles ward.

I tripped over a hurdle in the 4A state championship 300 hurdle finals last year.

Springville girls took state in track a few months ago against all odds.

I have a little sister, not an older one.

A friend sent an "I love you girl" text to me the other day out of the blue, right as I was sitting alone in my dorm crying.

I decided to facebook chat my friend Brandon one summer evening just because.

Heavenly Father put me in the family he did.

My best friends and brother all went to BYU, yet here I am at USU.

...

That girl Lexi became my best friend.

My parents later found out that "Tessa" translates to "fourth born." she's the fourth child in our family.

By having to watch from the sidelines, I became stronger.

The hole could've been one of many serious life long complications, but instead grew in completely.

We got in an accident shortly after I put my seatbelt on.

I've learned to love my imperfections.

My parents fell in love.

I still have the scars and am reminded every day of what i've overcome; of what I can overcome.

We won by 1.5 points.

Tessa needs me to be her role model.

I smiled.

Brandon got in a car accident the next day, and died a few days later. that was the last time I ever talked to him.

I am deeply loved.

I'm seeing reasons I'm meant to be here where I am every single day... and they keep coming.

Coincidences you may say.

NO Coincidences.