Summer.

 

Summer.

Sitting now on the roof of my house right outside my bedroom window, there is complete quiet. I have my laptop resting comfortably on my freckled thighs. It’s about 10 pm and just breezy enough to feel cool, yet not cold. Not quite enough of a chill to persuade me to change out of my faded “Lady Red Devil Soccer” t-shirt from my sophomore year in high school into something a little warmer. I don’t mind a few goose bumps. I remember sitting on my roof in this same spot a year ago, trying to convince myself that these perfect days would never end. Wanting so badly to believe they really never would.   

Summer.

So many happy connotations explode from this two-syllable word. So many moments and memories that will be forever engrained in both my memory and journals. Summer. The weeks of sunshine, smiles, and simplicity are here again. Seems as if I live the entire year for these few short months. How could just seeing those six letters when jumbled together in that certain sequence cause me to sigh, close my eyes, and smile to myself, memories inevitably invading? Summer. The unmistakable smell of bonfire in my messy hair. Sweet watermelon. Kisses in the rain. Stinging sunburned shoulders. Early morning canyon runs. Coconut sunscreen. Genuine smiles. Late night talks on my front porch. Sprinklers-in-the-park water fights. Night bike rides. Blasting “Dimelo” with hands out the sunroof as we drive. Otter pop addictions. Family temple trips. Springville sunsets. Flip flop tan lines.

Summer, I welcome you here again with open arms.

Here’s to many more nights of unplanned rebellion, uncontrollable laughter, and carefree living. Here’s to that feeling of waking up early because you WANT to, not because you HAVE to. Here’s to holding the ones you love close to you on those perfect, beautiful summer nights. Here’s to taking the time to breathe and take moments in. Here’s to living it up with your best friends before they’re all either married or on missions. (…really though) Here's to crossing our fingers that we never forget each other and the way we feel right now. Here’s to making MEMORIES and always remembering these were (and are) the best days of our lives.

Summer’s that happy feeling you swear will never dissipate. The feeling that things will stay the same and always be the way they are at this moment. Any thoughts of change are cruel and quickly pushed away.

Forever here, forever together, forever happy… forever young.

Summer.

-xoxo Brooke

I've never doubted that you love me. I've never had to.

I’ve never doubted that you love me. I’ve never had to. This is for you Daddy.

Since you are over 5,000 miles away and it was your birthday last week, I didn’t really get the chance to do much for you. You have been on my mind a lot, though. So here’s to you, Daddy. I love you.

If somebody were to ask me to describe you, I wouldn’t know where to start. A million memories, pictures, and moments wouldn’t begin to do you justice. You are the greatest man I know. How can that even begin to be put into words on my pathetic little blog? How can I even TRY to put into words my gratitude and love for you?

I can’t.

This measly blogpost is going to have to do for now.

Banana works of art. Doodles of characters with huge eyes and no hair, funny messages and “I love yous” carved into the bananas you’d pack in my home lunch. In middle school I was embarrassed of them and would peel my banana all the way down as fast as possible without anybody seeing. In junior high I loosened up and began proudly showing my banana trophies off to all my friends every lunch. The “daily banana” quickly became a hot commodity.

(this was given to me by you after I’d had to go to the ER because of my concussion and you and mom came up to stay in Logan with me)

A nickel for every time I touched the ball on my city league soccer team “the butterflies.” Although with somewhat of a pained smile, I still received a thumbs up from you after playing keeper and letting in four goals after only five minutes. Needless to say I stuck to playing on the field from then on. A few enthusiastic “go butterflies!” from you would keep me smiling during the game. Driving home from the game you’d offer me little points of improvement. I learned early on to “stay hungry” as you’d say, and never be satisfied.

I wasn’t old enough to remember this memory, but I have been told the story so many times I think I now have a fake memory of it implanted. You were working in the yard moving around dirt or something in the wheelbarrow, yet had to still watch me. So to make matters easier, you plunked me right in the wheelbarrow and pushed me around throughout the day. I was delighted and happy to spend a day with daddy in the dirt.

Countless nights you thought I was asleep and came in to kiss me on the cheek and whisper “Te Quiero” softly in my ear. Once, you caught me peeking at you. You simply smiled at me while I quickly shut both my eight-year-old eyes tight back into my pseudo slumber.

Although you are in spain right now and usually you and mom get me a little somethin somethin for valentine’s day, I received something far greater this year. You both sent me long, wonderful emails. I read them often when I am feeling down or having an awful day. I know that 5,000 miles away I have my biggest cheerleaders.

Track meet after long boring track meet you were there to support me. One meet it began to rain unexpectedly and it was my turn to run soon. I remember scanning the bleachers to find you. You were standing there in the awful weather holding your jacket above your head as a makeshift umbrella, watching me. When state track championships came around senior year and I was waiting on the track for my heat in the 4A 400 meter finals, you helped calm me down. I was FAREAAAAKING out and you came up next to me by the fence separating the track from the onlookers, rubbed my shoulders, and helped me relax. I ended up having an AWESOME race. I ran directly over to you afterwards and gave you a big hug. Later that day, when we won the STATE CHAMPIONSHIP I proudly held the trophy high and walked over to you and Mom as you both smashed me with hugs and kisses.

(this was taken right after my race)

I love your knack for beautiful writing. You wrote me the most amazing letters while I was away at girls camp and pioneer trek. In these letters not only do you bear your testimony to me, but go on for paragraphs about how much I am loved. About how much you love me.

All those 5:30am mornings of practicing piano before school, you’d be sitting there on the couch, already writing away on your laptop. Besides the annoying reminders every so often to “stick to your lesson music” if I got lazy and started messing around or playing Disney music (can you feel the love tonight was just so much fun to play!!) you’d pause from your writing and compliment me after I finished playing a piece well. Having the words come from you meant more to me than from anyone. Even my own piano teacher. (shhh don’t tell her)

You’d double, even triple my boggle scores for years until I was good enough to get close to your scores. Too bad now I ALWAYS beat you!! J muahaha you taught me well.

You and the family came up to watch almost every home game (5 hour round trip every time) up here. Whether I started the game or played 20 minutes, you always gave me the biggest, proudest smile after every game. You didn’t even need to say anything; your smile always gave you away. You were always so proud of me.

(after one of our home games at USU)

Over the summer I made brownies at home and complained because not even an hour after I’d made them ALL around the edge had been eaten by YOU!!!! D:< (the edges are my favorite) But the edges are your favorite too. The last time I made brownies at home, you kindly left half the edges specifically for me. What a kind father you are. ;) hahah

With every single guy I went out with (whether you approved or not) you took the time to talk with him and offer some kind words. You did it for me, not for them.

I used to hate my freckles. One day, I began complaining to you and blaming it on your genetics. You responded by holding me down and kissing my arms insanely. I screamed and asked you what the heck you were doing. You responded in between kisses. “Just ‘muah’ kissing ‘muah’ all ‘muah’ these ‘muah’ cute ‘muah’ things!!!

When I asked to have “walk on your hands” contests with you, the answer was always yes. One evening, after a walk on your hands contest with me a few hours earlier, you were standing in your room holding your back. I came up behind you and asked what was wrong. You said you’d hurt it doing handstands with me. For days after, you walked a little weird cause your back still hurt so badly. The things you do for your daughter.

At my senior prom right after promenade when all the photo-crazed parents were snap-happy taking pictures of their children’s big moment, you took me aside for a second. You hugged me, kissed me on the forehead and said just loud enough for me to hear: “you’re stealing the show, Brooke.”

(at prom)

Right before I came back up here to USU for the second semester of school, I was getting really upset at the thought of leaving home again. The last few days before I was to leave you’d caught me crying a few times. Although the thought had never occurred to me myself, you offered to give me a father’s blessing. I took you up on that and know that the blessing has definitely helped me. J

I could seriously go on and on daddy, but I am sleepy and need to finish my homework. But I hope this makes you realize that what you do does not go unnoticed. All the little things, all the little actions are the things that meant the most. The things that MEAN the most. Heavenly Father sure smiled down upon me when he blessed me as your daughter. I’m so incredibly lucky.

I have never had any doubts that you love me. That is the greatest thing a father can give. I miss you. I love you forever.

Love always,

Your Brookie (“waddis daddy!! Waddis!!!”)

All Grown Up and Married.

Life comes at you fast. A year ago I was still in high school, living at home. Independent, yet still almost completely dependent on my parents. Now I am away at school at USU. Completely on my own. The past seven months have brought more change and challenges than I have ever had to experience and I have grown so incredibly much.

In a few months I will be all done with my freshman year of college. As cliche and cheesy as I may sound, I really feel like only a few days ago I was walking across the stage receiving my high school diploma with all my friends. We have since gone to many different schools and hardly ever get to see each other. But the memories we've had together will always live on.

A few days ago on March 2, 2012, my longtime friend and teammate Kasha Bandmann (who will always be known as Barbara to me) got married in the Timpanogas temple. I can't begin to say how proud I am of her for getting married in the temple. She has set the tone and example for me and the other girls in our graduating class and I am incredibly happy for her!! :)

I unfortunately wasn't able to make it to her wedding because of a soccer banquet, but I wanted to make this blog post to show her I cherish all the many memories and times we have had together through the years. :) We have won games together, lost games together, pushed each other in practice every day, laughed our guts out in the car during the many soccer tournament trips, going off the jump before practice every day (we are rebels!!), sneaking into the pool in st george, dancing on the medians (getting caught by coach lamont), dancing by the marching band while they practiced, throwing bread balls at other cars and getting busted, our "six sisters" night running around the football field doing things that will not be mentioned on here (hahahahah) , leaving garbanzo beans on kronkie's (coach ryan) porch, leaving half eaten burritos named gus on a different certain person's porch, going INSANE at dances and breaking everybody's circles, dance parties on the bus on the way to games, always FRONT ROW on the railing #1 fans at football games, telling our seminary teachers we had to get our ankles taped so we could get out of class an extra 20 min early, dumpster diving in the hostess dumpsters, listening to that song with the baby crying in the background on REPEAT, "If you love me then, thank you! if you hate me then I'll (BLEEP) you!", talking in our Gus Gus voices everywhere we went "uhhh happy boifday!!" "uhh why you so chuuubby???" ... driving everybody insane and having boys think we are crazy because of how dumb we sound (but that didn't stop us, we didn't care!), playing hide n' honk whenever we had to wait in the car, spontaneous dance parties in the high school parking lot, running around in our sports bras around the field whenever it rained ..... and the list goes ON and ON! these are only a few of the random memories I thought of off the top of my head. Here are some pictures I've found of some wonderful times! :)

Just one of the many fun high school dances!! This was Homecoming Senior year.

Photos up at jolleys ranch :)

hide n honk!!!! YES!!!!

oh just doing homework after one of our games... miss these days.

Both of us going up for a header in State Cup 2011

Football Fans!!! :) Our voices would always be gone the next day from screaming our lungs out

All the lovely Seniors!

Paint fight!!!/Homecoming game

Sitting together in an assembly!

Pumpkins we carved for Kronkie for Halloween :)

Just another time we danced the night away...

Sitting in the backseat of the bus! ALWAYS!! We love ryaaaan

Good times:)
Outdoor movie!
Pre-game Tats! oh baby oh baby!

Swim party at Autumn's house! (night of the sixth sisters)

Photos up Jolley's Ranch
club team cabin retreat

There have been so many wonderful times and memories that we have had, and I am so grateful for all those hilarious fun times! I will always look back on these times and smile. I wish you happiness and an AMAZING life with your husband Kasha!! love you!!

<3 Brooke (Marge)

A Reminder.

Heavenly Father loves you.

In Relief Society today each of us got a copy of this letter:

"Dear Daughter,

I remember well the day you left my side and wandered through the veil, venturing forth to fulfill your earthly mission. I had a tear in my eye as I clothed your spirit in a cloak of love and sent you off to school. Be assured that my thoughts are with you now, as always.

I love you with all my heart. I know your life; the good, the bad, your grief, your disappointments, your unrewarded efforts, your frustrations and your temptations. But always remember - all that I have is yours if you will only come home again.

Daughter, realize that in you I have placed a bit of heaven, no one was exempt. I love all my children. You have some blest gifts, some talents, and some little part of me in you. Search for it. Develop it. use it, and most importantly, share it with others. If you really love me, then help others to find themselves, and lead them back to me. Show your love by serving others.

Repent of your failings and humble yourself. Make yourself ever teachable and continually strive to improve. I gave you weakness to help you be humble. Don't condemn me for that. I did it because I love you. Be full of hope; don't let discouragement engulf you. I'll come when you need me.

Daughter, cease your idle contentions. Be a peacemaker, for it breaks my heart to see many of my children fighting. If they could only see what I have hoped, planned, and desired for them.

My heart breaks as I watch them. but you, my faithful daughter, are my hope. It is through you that my work must proceed. you haven't much time, and there is much to be done. I beg you to get stated. Accomplish the mission I gave to you before you left me. I'll help you. I'll never be too busy or too far away to come to you. I'm nearer to you than you might suspect. I have so much that I would like to tell you.

Come to me often in prayer. I love to talk to you, my beloved daughter. be diligent in my work and my kingdom shall be yours. I'd love to take you in my arms, but I must wait patiently until the time comes. until then, I leave you my peace, my blessing, and a my love. Never forget that I am nearby whenever you need me.

I love and miss you so much. How I am looking forward to your return to your mother and me.

All my love,

Your Heavenly Father."

This was a really good reminder for me. To remember I am loved and being kept track of. I matter. YOU matter. Remember you NEVER walk alone.

Hope this brightened your day.

-Brookie

Photography: it's all about finding the beauty.

I am a photography junkie. I absolutely love looking at photos others have taken, as well as take my own. From my late grandfather's own dark room he'd develop his photos from in his basement to Photography art shows in Spain... Photography has always been something that fascinates me. Behind every photo there is always a story that the viewer can only try to imagine. Maybe that's one of the things so captivating about photography to me. How every single frame, every photo can have a story and personal meaning to the photographer.

So many beautiful moments go on unnoticed and simply passed by because they are not seen. It's up to the beholder to find that hidden beauty, capture the moment truly SEE the amazing simplicity Heavenly Father's creations have. It's all around. Taking the time to notice and see it is the hard part. It takes a trained eye to notice the little things that can make an amazing photograph. I hope someday to have that trained eye so I can find the beauty in the unnoticed more often.

I have an obsession with photographing flowers.

I took this in San Francisco on a wandering walk with my family in one of its beautiful neighborhoods. It was about 10 in the morning and a resident had just watered their flowers. I actually walked past the flowers before stopping in my tracks, turning around and kneeling down on the cobblestone to get a good shot. My family kept walking and turned a corner without me, I ended up getting lost for a short while. Worth the photo.

This Photo was taken in on of the gardens of Hampton Court Palace, London. Hampton Court Palace's gardens are incredible. There is this huge rose garden that is only in bloom a few certain weeks per year. We were lucky to be there when the roses were in full bloom. You can see the palace in the background.

This photo was taken in my own yard, believe it or not. My Dad takes great care of our yard and it always looks fantastic. On this certain day I remember that I'd had an awful day at school for whatever reason. I was sitting in my room trying to think of something to cheer myself up. I saw my camera sitting there and grabbed it to go take photos in the yard. Cheered me up almost immediately. The lighting was perfect. Turned my day around.

I took this photo at my Grandfather's funeral. These are my Grandmother's hands. This was shortly after the last shot was fired. Being at this funeral was a new and different experience for me because it was the first funeral I had ever been to. I remember feeling uncomfortable being around crying people and feeling sad myself, so I distracted myself by taking photos throughout. So even in the sadness I found something beautiful. This photo. And I hope to someday be as an amazing a photographer as my Grandpa Veryl.

I love the stories behind photos. I love trying to find the beautiful around me. what can I say... I love photography! and like I said earlier....

Photography: it's all about finding the beauty.

Hope you have a lovely day.

loves!

-brookie

Why Do We Do Things That HURT Us?

why do we do hard work outs that push us and leave our bodies hurting the next day?

why do we stay up late completely sleep deprived studying?

why do we give blood when it leaves us nauseated and dizzy?

why do we work for hours in the yard/garden when its blistering hot?

all these things have one thing in common: they are all things done for a higher cause. They are all things done for a good ending in mind; they are things done with faith that there WILL be a pay off and reason for the struggle.

so... with all this in mind., why do we love?

I'm not going to pretend like I am an expert at this sort of thing, because believe me... I'm most definitely not. I am simply expressing my thoughts based on both my own experiences and what I have observed around me. Not meaning to sound like a downer, but with love... there aren't always guarantees. Sure there aren't necessarily guarantees in the things above either. The blood you give in hopes that it will go towards saving a life could be given to someone who ends up dying the next day in spite of the donated blood. Or maybe the late night studying doesn't help your test score... the extraneous exercising leads to injuries... and the garden still doesn't work out despite the hard work..maybe there's a drought? But the BOTTOM LINE: these things most definitely do have a stronger sense of consistency.

Love can be both intangible and gratifying at the same time. Love is inevitable, yet sometimes we go out of our way to avoid it. But why would we try to avoid something so unavoidable? Without love what is the point of life? The answer? ...For fear of pain. The fear that the pain experienced due to loving someone WON'T have a higher cause, that it won't have a happy ending.. THAT'S what holds people back sometimes. The fear that if you keep holding on, the other may let go first. So to save yourself the possible affliction... YOU simply let go. To keep yourself safe. Or you never really completely hold on in the first place. ...But are you really saving yourself? Or are you just holding yourself back from happiness?

Sometimes there is the opposite. A fearless perseverance and a hope inside of us that keeps us reaching and fighting for that ever so elusive butterfly called love. Sometimes there is an internal determination that moves us. Sometimes we actually let our HEART lead our feet. When this happens, when we aren't letting ourselves hold us back.... we take a leap of faith. And hope that someone will be there to meet us halfway through that leap.. to catch us. We pray that leap of faith that leaves us completely vulnerable will be worth the risk in the long haul. That it will bring us that sense of security, knowledge that we are loved in return.

Sometimes when that leap is taken for naught and we end up free falling, it can be hard to bounce back right away or at all. Now our memories of the past are what keep us hesitant from making such a move again. But that hesitancy CAN be overcome. and MUST be overcome if we ever hope for true happiness in life. Standing at the edge of the ocean with one foot half heartedly in the water will not bring joy. It could bring safety... but we will always have the 'what if' factor in the back of our minds... of what COULD have been. "A ship in the harbor is safe, but that's not what ships were built for..."

We know we must take the risk at some point. We must open up completely to experience that undeniably genuine joy. But I believe that no matter what hurt and trials we must first overcome before finally getting hold of that ever so elusive butterfly called LOVE ..no matter how long it stays within our grasp....no matter how long it takes us to muster up that confidence to step outside of our comfort zones.... it will undoubtedly be worth the leap. It will be worth the pain. It will be worth the fear.

....."IT" will be worth everything.

loves! -brookie

la la laughs in the library

ohhhh the joys of finals week. hallelujah for this semester almost FINALLY being over! Only a few more days and i will be home for almost an entire month with the fam damily in good ol' springville. haha. Well anyways, so Kaitlyn and i were in the library just trying to study for our U.S. Institutions final and kept having to look up things in wikipedia to freshen our memories up of things we had forgotten. (I probably shouldn't be admitting I still use Wikipedia... but oh well. don't judge.) :) Well this picture of this one annoying lady kept popping up. She's... well.. see for your self.

Okay Wikipedia is it REALLY necessary to have these creepily smiling and staring-into-my-soul people on your website? But every time dear sweet Maryana Pinchuk showed up on the screen we'd just bust up laughing for a second. Before I'd quickly scroll down to hide her face. About the fourth time this happened I guffawed really loud (no it STILL hadn't gotten old, okay?!) and the man sitting further down the couch to the left of me gave me a death glare. Woaah okay sorry dude. Sorry you have no sense of humor. But if you saw the way Maryana Pinchuk was staring at me on my screen you would probably be laughing too. Not to mention this sweet gentleman was wearing the ugliest sweater ever. What a winner. But I bet his mom loves him. hahaha.

So although we may have annoyed a few people in the hallowed library.. those few laughs were definitely great little breaks amidst the long studying. Wish me luck on my last two finals!

But really quick here are some things for laughs:

Hahaha I hope these made you laugh! I know I did! The last one is totally something my mom would do. haha:) loves!

Brookie