You Called Me Brookali Broccali

Brookali Broccali or Brooklet Monster. You'd call me either, or. I remember once I had some friends over and you called me one of the latter names and I was horrified. So embarrassed. A friend asked, "Wait, what did he call you?" I mumbled I didn't know and proceeded to quickly ask which My Little Pony she wanted to play with.

In Miss Roach's fifth grade p.m. class one day, I overheard one of my classmates telling his friend about how his Dad was "the biggest jerk in the world." He then went on to describe how his Dad was a "meanie" and always yelled, threw things, and made his mom cry. My clueless, freckled 10-year-old self struggled to grasp such a concept. My eyes widened down at my blank notebook paper that was supposed to be filled with sentences summarizing my summer as I instead eavesdropped. Up until then I had paid little attention to the fathers around me besides my own. I guess I thought fathers were universal. I thought they all had handstand contests with their daughters even if it made their back hurt and meant they'd have a headache for the rest of the day. I thought they all came to cheer at track meets and soccer games even if it was hailing. I always had a handmade home lunch every day by you along with personal drawings and messages carved into my bananas.

I watched you kiss mom's neck while you made dinner together. I watched you dance with her in the kitchen to Marvin Gaye while I sat at the table eating cheerios. Once I had a bad dream and wandered into your room to be consoled. I walked in and you and mom were kneeling next to each other by your bed, praying together. Whenever mom was down in her art studio painting, you always made sure none of us kids bothered her. No matter the nagging issue — whether it be asking her to french braid my hair or Derek needing her password on the computer to play starcraft —  you never allowed us to bother her until she was done. I remember being annoyed whenever I asked you what I thought was a simple question and you'd always converse with mom before giving me an answer. Every decision was made together, even if it was only an issue of whether or not I had a sleepover at my friends house.

Without really realizing it, you have been preparing me all along to be a wife and someday a mother. I've learned through your example how I should be loved, and how I deserve to be loved. I will be married to someone in a month who reminds me over and over again of you. The cheesiness of the saying that says "you marry someone just like your father" could not be more applicable. It's the qualities in you that I saw in Chase that initially drew me to him. I have now found someone I know will ALWAYS love me — and keep me laughing the entire time — and I could not be more grateful to you for that, Daddy.

Until that pivotal moment at Brookside Elementary, I assumed all Dads did everything you did. What a crazy assumption, you do so much more.

Now, if I had it my way, you'd always call me Brookali Broccali. Nothing else.

I love you. Happy Fathers day.

Nice like an oversized sweatshirt

Nice like an oversized sweatshirt

I hope you stay awhile. My atrocious guffaw of a laugh slips my lips all to often now at your expense. You all know what I mean—those obnoxious loud bursts of ugliness when something is unexpectedly HILARIOUS. Those just can't be held in. 

Boy, you catch me off guard. 

We were on our crazy bullet bike ride of a second date. Stopped at a red light, I liked your rebellious chuckle as the light turned green and my exhilarated screams were lost in the acceleration. 

It's the rose you casually held hidden behind your back and gave to me as we stood in the street with cars driving by. Three months ago exactly from today, you said. 

I fell for Sasquatch.

Well, the canadian in the Sasquatch costume. At our house Halloween party I asked to get a picture with you. I almost just walked away after my camera captured the moment but decided to stop and chat for a bit. You later said that Sasquatch costume you bought off amazon was the best investment you have ever made. 

I remember the first time the word slipped out. I was sitting on the couch by the window with my roommate Cassie on a sunny day last November. "Pretty day today, eh?" I said. Oh no. I covered my mouth in shock and Cassie chortled. There it was. The word I'd so often teased you for saying. How had it slipped out? The notorious "eh" rolled effortlessly off my lips. I have since come to terms with the fact I am a wannabe Canuck and now say "eh" with a weird sense of pride now. 

I rub off on you too. You were in your kitchen cutting peppers and almost sliced your finger. I was in the other room and all I heard was a loud "HELEN KELLER" echo through the house. I am satisfied to say the phrase is now a regular part of your vocabulary.

Singing my heart out to Spice Girls' "Wannabe" to you in the car is a normality. Being purposely inappropriate together at dance parties is inevitable—and totally worth it to see people's reactions. Grocery store dates always result in one of us pushing the other on a cart super fast down an aisle and narrowly avoiding knocking over a shelf of food or running over elderly folk. Sacrament meeting hymns turn into whisper-in-your-ear vibrato opera performances and jabbing each other in the stomach with our elbows during the prayers. Seemingly adorable piggy-back rides outside end with me being "accidentally" dumped and white-washed in the snow. My now dripping-wet hair in below ten degree weather leaves neighbors questioning my sanity while you just smile and say hello like a good little poster-boyfriend. You most definitely put on that dimpled smile, and it always works. You know the way to my crazy insane dorky heart is food and use that to your advantage any time you can. 

I have never been more me. 

I have laughed more in these last four months than I have the last year. I'm not talking about those cute, polite, almost pity laughs that everyone does on a regular basis these days in the course of conversation. I'm talking about those almost completely silent throw-your-head-back-and-squeak-unattractively-between-gasps-of-air laughs. The ab-workout kind I mentioned in the beginning. 

I hope you stay awhile.

Everything is effortless and comfortable. Nice like an oversized sweatshirt.

xoxo brookie

Not your average season. Not your average bunch of girls, either.

Not your average season. Not your average bunch of girls, either.

I kissed my summer goodbye that July morning.  I also kissed my tanned body goodbye, hesitantly gave a very unwelcoming hello to the inevitable infamous soccer tan lines (shin guard, shorts, arm, and neck lines) and packed up my little car and drove the two hours back up to good ol’ Logan. Little did I know just how amazing and memorable the upcoming soccer season would turn out to be.

I play soccer for USU with the group of the most incredible girls and couldn’t be prouder to call them my teammates. We had an amazing 2012 season. We were regular season WAC conference champions as well as WAC conference tournament champions. We went on to the National tournament and played in the first round of NCAA’s losing only 2-1 in a hard fought battle to BYU who was ranked second in the nation at the time. This post is dedicated to my teammates aka my second family aka my sisters.

I get chills thinking about it. Thinking about those final ten seconds of the WAC Championship game. Impatient side glances at the seemingly impossibly slow winding down clock on the scoreboard. As the buzzer sounded, a million images of the countless hours spent in preparation surged through my mind. The moments of struggle, discouragement and disappointment.

All for this moment.

Hearts pounded as ecstatic screams of 27 girls erupted into the Logan sky.

I ran around in a daze, embracing my teammates. These girls I have grown to love. I looked around in each of their faces and saw that theirs reflected my own. Complete and utter SATISFACTION. BLISS. HAPPINESS. The feeling of working so incredibly hard and putting your entire heart and soul into something for so long and seeing it finally pay off. It's like no other. Although we achieved the same thing the year before, we were a completely different team this season and had to start from ground zero to work our way to the top again. We had to come together as a new team with new strengths, as well as new weaknesses. I looked around at these girls that I would do ANYTHING for and felt such strong love for each one of them. (extremely cheesy moment, guys. sorry.) I felt a bit like an emotional wreck of a proud mom. We all jumped around the crowds of people on the field restlessly, not wanting this moment to end. I just wanted to stand there, put my arms out, close my eyes, and soak it all in.

I just wanted to carry that feeling with me every day.

Utah State Soccer. What is it? It’s that sun beating down hard on your freckled nose during excruciatingly hot two-a-days in pre season. It’s the sound of  “somethin’ ‘bout a truck” echoing across the Chuck and Gloria Bell field on game day. It’s the cooling feel of that cold chocolate milk as it slides down your throat after a hard lifting session. It’s that dreaded “on the line!” when you think practice is over. It’s that exhilarating rush of running down the line of your cheering teammates after your name has been called in the starting line up.  It’s the pit in your stomach after hearing the ever so familiar “ wakie wakie aggies!!” It’s the moment you are dragging your exahusted numb legs around that final lap of the fitness test (also known as hell) and you hear your teammates’ voices telling you to keep pushing, and you listen, despite your legs feeling like two heavily oversized tree trunks. It’s the locker room pre-game dance offs that always end up getting frisky. It’s the unmistakably awful whine of a teammate as they pathetically belt out a tune on the bus during the “ipod game.” It’s having each other’s backs through everything, no matter what. It’s having a team prayer before every game and squeezing each other’s hands while the prayer is being said. It’s the continual quotations of bridesmaids or some random youtube video throughout practice. It’s spring 6 am conditionings where everyone’s natural beauty shines through. It’s eating out at texas roadhouse as a team and looking around to see that all your teammates ordered big ol’ steaks as well. It’s Roger’s loyal friendship on the sideline. It’s that ever-so-supportive laugh from your teammates after you biff it hard. It’s that weight lifting session that ends with a team cheer of “ DONE WORK!!” haha. It’s seeing the welcoming smile of Ernie as you step on the bus. It’s the strobe light session and loud singing that causes the flight attendant to reprimand your entire team over the plane’s intercom (and later write a formal complaint to USU). It’s sitting at a volleyball game together and freaking out and asking a million questions when a fellow teammate is spotted with a boy. It’s the blissful “IT’S TACO TUESDAY GUYS” quotation shpeeled after an exhausting practice as your stomach growls in agreement. It's all those disgustingly ugly face snapchats ever continually in circulation amongst each other. It's Alec's adorable little legs running across the field to trevor after a game. It's rolling your practice shorts up one, two, and sometimes even three times to achieve that sought-after absolution of comfort. It's meeting together in a hotel room during away games to play some mafia. It's the sexual innuendo in practically everything roundy says and does. It's the way you shout and get super excited when you see a teammate on campus despite seeing them hours every day at practice. It's those pre-game chills singing along to "Man in the Mirror." (so loudly that the football team in meetings on the floor above hear every word might I add). It's being mistaken in the airport for pretty much every sport but soccer every single time. It's coach's arm hanging out the window of a minivan. It's that never give up attitude even when you miss your pk's at practice, resulting in having to watch your teammates run. It's the pre practice gossip about who got some the night before while stretching.It's looking out into the crowd during a game and seeing your family in all USU gear cheering annoyingly loud for you. It's going to a banquet and looking in awe at your fellow teammates and being in shock about how different they look now than at practice and how nicely they clean up. It's adding "soccer girl probs" after everything. It's coming home after practice and eating everything in sight. It's wearing that Utah State jersey with pride and love. 

Utah State Soccer is SO MUCH. I could seriously go on and on, but it comes down to this. Utah State Soccer is... pushing yourself and doing so with your whole heart, every single day. Not only for yourself, but for the girls around you that you call family. Because you know that each of them would do the same for you. 

Proud to be an Aggie. But even more so, proud to be an Aggie soccer player and to be a part of the best team I have ever known. 

Let it FLY

Let it FLY.

Whatever it may be you keep holding on to. That thing you hold tight in your grasp, refusing to let go. It holds you back. Why do you hold on? It no longer makes you happy. It no longer serves you, or helps you grow. Now a bad habit, let it FLY AWAY. Laugh at your own stupidity, learn from your mistake, and walk away. Now, you can see clearly. All this time the only person holding yourself back has been YOU. 

Free, you spread your wings..
                                           jump....
                                                       and FLY.

xoxo 
Brooke

You are Beautiful.

You Are Beautiful.

You. Yes YOU. I am telling you this because you seriously need some reminding.

You are beautiful.

You are beautiful because you put your family first, every day. You are beautiful because you live by faith not fear. You are beautiful because you walk with the knowledge you are a daughter of your Heavenly Father... of a king. You are beautiful because you played your heart out and walked off that field sweaty, exhausted, and satisfied. You are beautiful because you love your family and friends with everything you have. You are beautiful because you have learned from your mistakes. You are beautiful because you believe in miracles. You are beautiful because you just want that person to be happy even if you aren't in the picture.  

You are beautiful because behind the messy hair and sweats you wear today is the girl who stayed up extremely late last night talking with a struggling friend who needed her. You are beautiful because you let your brother take that last scoop of your favorite cookie dough ice cream. You are beautiful because you stay true to YOU even when the world around you is constantly changing. You are beautiful because you give second chances. And third and fourth ones. You are beautiful because when you something’s seriously SO funny, you throw your head back, close your eyes, and JUST LAUGH, giving zero thought to how you look or sound. You are beautiful because you always say “love ya” to your Mom when you run out the door. You are beautiful because today you gave your kitten a kiss on the nose and whispered, "I adore you."

You are beautiful because you cried last night but pulled yourself together and put on a smile today. You are beautiful because you believe in God and put your complete faith and trust in him. You are beautiful because you never ever give up, even when it’s all you can do to keep going. You are beautiful because you don’t try to hide your scars. In fact, you wear the ones on your legs proudly. You are beautiful because you flipped over that penny to heads up and left it there to be lucky for someone else. You are beautiful because you would drop anything and everything for a friend in need. You are beautiful because you like a challenge. You are beautiful because you can sit down and play your instrument for hours, just getting lost in the music.

You are beautiful because you are stronger today than you were yesterday. You are beautiful because you don't ever give up on people. You are beautiful because you truly appreciate a sunset. You are beautiful because you let the windows down and blast that country music, hair in your face and mouth, smile on your face. You are beautiful because you don’t take those you love for granted. You are beautiful because you pray for that person you just can’t seem to get along with. You are beautiful because your smile is genuine. You are beautiful because you have a sincere heart and good intentions. You are beautiful because you have known defeat. You are beautiful because you know you deserve happiness.

You are beautiful because you HAVE loved. You are beautiful because you STILL love. You are beautiful because you ARE loved. 

...but seriously. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

and don't you ever forget it.

love you all, you BEAUTIFUL human beings!

xoxo 

Brooke

Summer.

 

Summer.

Sitting now on the roof of my house right outside my bedroom window, there is complete quiet. I have my laptop resting comfortably on my freckled thighs. It’s about 10 pm and just breezy enough to feel cool, yet not cold. Not quite enough of a chill to persuade me to change out of my faded “Lady Red Devil Soccer” t-shirt from my sophomore year in high school into something a little warmer. I don’t mind a few goose bumps. I remember sitting on my roof in this same spot a year ago, trying to convince myself that these perfect days would never end. Wanting so badly to believe they really never would.   

Summer.

So many happy connotations explode from this two-syllable word. So many moments and memories that will be forever engrained in both my memory and journals. Summer. The weeks of sunshine, smiles, and simplicity are here again. Seems as if I live the entire year for these few short months. How could just seeing those six letters when jumbled together in that certain sequence cause me to sigh, close my eyes, and smile to myself, memories inevitably invading? Summer. The unmistakable smell of bonfire in my messy hair. Sweet watermelon. Kisses in the rain. Stinging sunburned shoulders. Early morning canyon runs. Coconut sunscreen. Genuine smiles. Late night talks on my front porch. Sprinklers-in-the-park water fights. Night bike rides. Blasting “Dimelo” with hands out the sunroof as we drive. Otter pop addictions. Family temple trips. Springville sunsets. Flip flop tan lines.

Summer, I welcome you here again with open arms.

Here’s to many more nights of unplanned rebellion, uncontrollable laughter, and carefree living. Here’s to that feeling of waking up early because you WANT to, not because you HAVE to. Here’s to holding the ones you love close to you on those perfect, beautiful summer nights. Here’s to taking the time to breathe and take moments in. Here’s to living it up with your best friends before they’re all either married or on missions. (…really though) Here's to crossing our fingers that we never forget each other and the way we feel right now. Here’s to making MEMORIES and always remembering these were (and are) the best days of our lives.

Summer’s that happy feeling you swear will never dissipate. The feeling that things will stay the same and always be the way they are at this moment. Any thoughts of change are cruel and quickly pushed away.

Forever here, forever together, forever happy… forever young.

Summer.

-xoxo Brooke

I've never doubted that you love me. I've never had to.

I’ve never doubted that you love me. I’ve never had to. This is for you Daddy.

Since you are over 5,000 miles away and it was your birthday last week, I didn’t really get the chance to do much for you. You have been on my mind a lot, though. So here’s to you, Daddy. I love you.

If somebody were to ask me to describe you, I wouldn’t know where to start. A million memories, pictures, and moments wouldn’t begin to do you justice. You are the greatest man I know. How can that even begin to be put into words on my pathetic little blog? How can I even TRY to put into words my gratitude and love for you?

I can’t.

This measly blogpost is going to have to do for now.

Banana works of art. Doodles of characters with huge eyes and no hair, funny messages and “I love yous” carved into the bananas you’d pack in my home lunch. In middle school I was embarrassed of them and would peel my banana all the way down as fast as possible without anybody seeing. In junior high I loosened up and began proudly showing my banana trophies off to all my friends every lunch. The “daily banana” quickly became a hot commodity.

(this was given to me by you after I’d had to go to the ER because of my concussion and you and mom came up to stay in Logan with me)

A nickel for every time I touched the ball on my city league soccer team “the butterflies.” Although with somewhat of a pained smile, I still received a thumbs up from you after playing keeper and letting in four goals after only five minutes. Needless to say I stuck to playing on the field from then on. A few enthusiastic “go butterflies!” from you would keep me smiling during the game. Driving home from the game you’d offer me little points of improvement. I learned early on to “stay hungry” as you’d say, and never be satisfied.

I wasn’t old enough to remember this memory, but I have been told the story so many times I think I now have a fake memory of it implanted. You were working in the yard moving around dirt or something in the wheelbarrow, yet had to still watch me. So to make matters easier, you plunked me right in the wheelbarrow and pushed me around throughout the day. I was delighted and happy to spend a day with daddy in the dirt.

Countless nights you thought I was asleep and came in to kiss me on the cheek and whisper “Te Quiero” softly in my ear. Once, you caught me peeking at you. You simply smiled at me while I quickly shut both my eight-year-old eyes tight back into my pseudo slumber.

Although you are in spain right now and usually you and mom get me a little somethin somethin for valentine’s day, I received something far greater this year. You both sent me long, wonderful emails. I read them often when I am feeling down or having an awful day. I know that 5,000 miles away I have my biggest cheerleaders.

Track meet after long boring track meet you were there to support me. One meet it began to rain unexpectedly and it was my turn to run soon. I remember scanning the bleachers to find you. You were standing there in the awful weather holding your jacket above your head as a makeshift umbrella, watching me. When state track championships came around senior year and I was waiting on the track for my heat in the 4A 400 meter finals, you helped calm me down. I was FAREAAAAKING out and you came up next to me by the fence separating the track from the onlookers, rubbed my shoulders, and helped me relax. I ended up having an AWESOME race. I ran directly over to you afterwards and gave you a big hug. Later that day, when we won the STATE CHAMPIONSHIP I proudly held the trophy high and walked over to you and Mom as you both smashed me with hugs and kisses.

(this was taken right after my race)

I love your knack for beautiful writing. You wrote me the most amazing letters while I was away at girls camp and pioneer trek. In these letters not only do you bear your testimony to me, but go on for paragraphs about how much I am loved. About how much you love me.

All those 5:30am mornings of practicing piano before school, you’d be sitting there on the couch, already writing away on your laptop. Besides the annoying reminders every so often to “stick to your lesson music” if I got lazy and started messing around or playing Disney music (can you feel the love tonight was just so much fun to play!!) you’d pause from your writing and compliment me after I finished playing a piece well. Having the words come from you meant more to me than from anyone. Even my own piano teacher. (shhh don’t tell her)

You’d double, even triple my boggle scores for years until I was good enough to get close to your scores. Too bad now I ALWAYS beat you!! J muahaha you taught me well.

You and the family came up to watch almost every home game (5 hour round trip every time) up here. Whether I started the game or played 20 minutes, you always gave me the biggest, proudest smile after every game. You didn’t even need to say anything; your smile always gave you away. You were always so proud of me.

(after one of our home games at USU)

Over the summer I made brownies at home and complained because not even an hour after I’d made them ALL around the edge had been eaten by YOU!!!! D:< (the edges are my favorite) But the edges are your favorite too. The last time I made brownies at home, you kindly left half the edges specifically for me. What a kind father you are. ;) hahah

With every single guy I went out with (whether you approved or not) you took the time to talk with him and offer some kind words. You did it for me, not for them.

I used to hate my freckles. One day, I began complaining to you and blaming it on your genetics. You responded by holding me down and kissing my arms insanely. I screamed and asked you what the heck you were doing. You responded in between kisses. “Just ‘muah’ kissing ‘muah’ all ‘muah’ these ‘muah’ cute ‘muah’ things!!!

When I asked to have “walk on your hands” contests with you, the answer was always yes. One evening, after a walk on your hands contest with me a few hours earlier, you were standing in your room holding your back. I came up behind you and asked what was wrong. You said you’d hurt it doing handstands with me. For days after, you walked a little weird cause your back still hurt so badly. The things you do for your daughter.

At my senior prom right after promenade when all the photo-crazed parents were snap-happy taking pictures of their children’s big moment, you took me aside for a second. You hugged me, kissed me on the forehead and said just loud enough for me to hear: “you’re stealing the show, Brooke.”

(at prom)

Right before I came back up here to USU for the second semester of school, I was getting really upset at the thought of leaving home again. The last few days before I was to leave you’d caught me crying a few times. Although the thought had never occurred to me myself, you offered to give me a father’s blessing. I took you up on that and know that the blessing has definitely helped me. J

I could seriously go on and on daddy, but I am sleepy and need to finish my homework. But I hope this makes you realize that what you do does not go unnoticed. All the little things, all the little actions are the things that meant the most. The things that MEAN the most. Heavenly Father sure smiled down upon me when he blessed me as your daughter. I’m so incredibly lucky.

I have never had any doubts that you love me. That is the greatest thing a father can give. I miss you. I love you forever.

Love always,

Your Brookie (“waddis daddy!! Waddis!!!”)